just rach

When Friday is over, I may be able to calm down enough to deal with the shit that has happened over the past two days. When Friday is over, I may be able to sit down and write up my CV and cover letter for this job at St. Al's, actually stab Brian in the eye with my "good scissors", instead of just thinking about it, and also finally find a couple of spare minutes to breathe.

Athletics Carnival on Friday has everyone on edge (and me wondering why the hell I put my hand up for this role again) and I miss Katy and Lucy. Their very obvious absence from school has pushed the point that I need out of here next year. So I'm applying for a junior English/RE position at my high school for next year, and I'm also on the lookout for anything else on the go. I spoke to my principal about it just over a week ago, and she seemed fine. But now she's doing to me what she did to Linda last year when she told her that she was moving to Perth. I'm sick of being ignored by a grown woman. Especially a grown woman who not only runs a primary school, but also takes it upon herself to tell other adults and children exactly how they should behave. Double standards, much???

Speaking of work, it's Book Week next week. My class was asked (read: told) to organise a play for one of the shortlisted Australian Children's Book of the Year books. We were given Mutt Dog to perform. So I actually used my brain (for a change) and incorporated this play into our Integrated unit - Puppets. 4A have written a mime, puppet, and dance extravaganza, and it's bloody wonderful to have the kids guiding their own learning for a change.

AIM testing was yesterday and today for the Grade 3s and 5s. I disagree so whole-heartedly with standardised tests. There are so many children who will never even hope to reach the standards that are set, and according to the dickhead I work with, we should therefore keep them down. If I started to work this way, out of my class of 29 kids, I have about 5 who should be in Grade 5/6 already, one who should be in about Year 8, about 10 in Grade 3, a couple in Grade 2, one in Grade Prep, and the rest in Grade 4. I can't stand this man anymore. When he yelled at not only myself, but Margaret, yesterday in front of the whole senior school (how dare I use logic???!!!) and told me to get out of his face (with my logic), my only possible response could be to call him an incompetent git. Because he is. The stupid comments he made at the 3/4 Literacy Day last week suggested yet again that he thinks that he knows everything. The way that he yells at his class and slams his fist on the table suggests that he thinks he is a fucking marvel. And the way that he responded to the mandatory reporting session at school on Monday night suggests that he thinks sexual and physical abuse of children is a joke.

No wonder the principal is sulking that her decent teachers are looking elsewhere for next year. God I hope Katy gets one of the principalships she's applying for.

Had the most wonderful conversation with a gorgeous young woman on Saturday, and this had led to me realising that the world is indeed a changing and developing place. I feel old and young and me and not me all at once.

:D

Booked my holiday today. I'm actually going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My travel details are as follows:

26/12/05 - Depart Melbourne for Auckland

4/1/06 - Depart Auckland for LA

7/1/06 - Depart LA for Seattle

14/1/06 - Depart Seattle for NYC

19/1/06 - Depart NYC for London

25/1/06 - Depart London for Melbourne (via Bangkok)


*bounces*

I'm at school at the moment, and the kids are doing their 90 minute Writing test for the AIMs. Even though I teach Grade 4, and the AIM test is only carried out in Grades 3 and 5, my kids do the teacher-assessed tasks to help us moderate our marking. Plus, it gives me 2 hours this week relief from actual teaching - the kids do it all.

Anyway, the reason I'm on here is because I'm trying to download some music for the play that my grade have been asked to put on for Book Week. And I'm bored.

I wish that I could bring Harry to school with me, and then I could just read it under my desk and at least look like I'm pretending to do my job... instead of sitting on the computer checking my emails and writing in my journal.



I'm missing some of you immensely. Jess, where are you? Laur, come back!!!!

* I wrote this last night (Sunday night)

Saturday morning dawned, and with it came the apprehensive excitement that had been welling in my stomach for weeks. Dressed in my Gryffindor scarf and Hogwarts shirt, I arrived at Dymocks, only to discover (to my pleasant surprise) that not having pre-ordered actually worked to my advantage. I was the third person to purchase HBP and subsequently found my way back to the car with my nose buried firmly in Chapter 1.

I’ve read and heard some harsh reviews and comments on Book 6, but I have to admit, I was blown away by it. I read it in one sitting on Saturday, and bawled my eyes out for the last few chapters. The sense of loss, sadness, and grief that sat in my chest continued throughout the evening, and I woke up on Sunday still feeling like I had lost a close friend. We actually watched The Notebook last night, and when mum and I welled up at the end, I have to admit that I was more upset by the lake view than the love story.

J.K.R. has outdone herself on this one, and I don’t know what to expect from Book 7. I can only hope that it does not prove to be an anticlimax, but rather, continues upon this path. Not many authors are able to set up such well-loved characters, only to have them face such hardships, and then, when we believe that goodness will always prevail and our favourites will always be safe from harm, she pulls it all away from underneath us. This woman is a marvel, and I can only hope that one day I can write something an eighth as wonderful as HP. I would love for one of my kids to achieve something as beautiful as this novel one day. (Beginning to sound like Slughorn!)

Besides my Harry-induced daze, the past week has been one of the longest and toughest of my life and career. Monday began with tears and these continued to flow through Tuesday. I’m not sure what has brought on this sudden bout of depression, but one can only assume that with the way of the world, many of us are wondering about the direction of our lives. I actually wrote a resignation letter during the week, but Katy talked me out of doing anything so foolish or rash. I was going to resign from my post as Co-ordinator instead, but again, Katy made me see sense – if I give this position up now, there is no way known that I could pick up another Position of Leadership (imagine my future employer questioning my ability to keep this job for a mere semester), so I decided to persevere.
There are a lot of questions that I am trying to find answers to at the moment. I always knew that teaching was what I wanted to do, but the politics and bitchiness involved in this profession are currently making me question my involvement in this job. Without teaching, I don’t know who I would be. Without teaching, I don’t know what I would do. But I can’t help but think that I have painted myself into a corner here. I chose this as my career when I was only five years old, and everything that I have done since that time has been carefully calculated and carried out in order to fulfill this destiny. And now that I have my job, and my class, and my classroom, and my Position of Leadership, I’m questioning whether I have just cocked up the first 24 years of my life.
This traveling bug is still biting my ass constantly, and I know that I need to keep my job in order to get out of here, but I don’t think if I keep on teaching that I can stay at my current school. I’m not sure whether or not to just change schools, or change careers totally.
As far as the holidaying goes, I’m working on an itinerary that includes London, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, and New York City. I’m wondering whether I should just not take a job for 2006, so that if I decide not to come back, I have no ties here anymore.
I just don’t know anymore.

This afternoon I went for a drive to clear my head, and all that happened was that I spent a lot of time thinking about my involvement with the opposite sex. Might have had a bit to do with driving around Williamstown (Nathan; David), up Brunswick St (Cameron; Chris), and through Carlton (Ben)… But I came to the conclusion that I go out of my way to get rid of anyone who shows the slightest interest in me. I get rid of them before anything too concrete can happen. I wonder if this has to do with my need to have something unhappy in my life? Or is it more that I get rid of people before they have the opportunity to get rid of me?
I don’t think I will be able to commit to anything or anyone else. I’m pretty sure that this is going to be true for my life. I just don’t know exactly how I feel about this. I mean, it’s me who gets rid of other people, and yet I still get those days (sometimes weeks or months), where I get down and wish that I could find someone I could love.
Maybe I think too much on this sort of stuff. Maybe I need to get over myself and just let go. Maybe I need a therapist. Probably.

Glenda and Adam are moving back to Melbourne in September. I am happy that Len is going to be around again – she just has this uncanny way of making me feel better about myself and more outgoing than usual. But I can’t help but remember everytime that Len/Adam are around Dani/John. It’s couple-central around here, and given that we’re not living with the rest of our family, it makes it more difficult to avoid the snogging and hand-holding and hugging.

Oh, just tell me to shut up already.

…and I’m back to re-read Harry 6. Just in case I missed anything crucial, you know.

My trip to New Zealand was fantabulous, and has given me the hugest travel bug ever. I'm currently working out the kinks in my trip to Canada/USA over December and January, so if anyone will be around Vancouver, San Fran, Seattle, or NYC over that period, let me know, and we can catch up!!!


*bounces*

This journal is now locked up nice and tight. Nothing much ever happens, but should you really desire the opportunity to read my thoughts, just leave a message, and I'll let you in.

So, I'm 23 now.

Woo. Hoo.

Grr to people who think that going against me is a good thing.